BEHOLD!! I Give You the Bread Knife!

“One of these knives is not like the others,” I says to my 16-yeard-old son, I says. “It even has a special name: bread knife.”

Wow, ay? One of life’s lessons. Son wanted to cut his sub in half, but the big carving knife he chose didn’t do the job. I demonstrated with the proper instrument.

These aren’t even part of my original kitchen knife set, which are Chef Master. The bread knife met an unnatural demise back in the 80′s when my cousin came to room with me and her know-it-all boyfriend tried hacking his coconut with - of all things! – my bread knife! It had these nicely pronounced serated edges that were about half-inch scallops, and he dented the frick out them. I wrestled the knife out of his hands and promptly offered to pitch his coconut off my balcony (wrapped in a milk bag, of course, but that was just me being civil!).

Long story short, the coconut plunged 6 floors down to the parking lot, just missing my own car (karma’s a b—–, right?), and when I couldn’t afford to buy the replacement bread knife for my set I bought an entire new set – the name has been changed to protect their identity!

New Year’s Resolutions

Hoping I can keep some of these:

1. Lose weight. Isn’t this everyone’s favorite??? Well, if I don’t want to have to buy an entire new wardrobe, I’d better get serious!

2. Find a new home for Coconut, my son’s white mouse. Samantha is proabably allergic to him. Her. It. I don’t know how to determine the sex. He was a mistaken purchase from the time period when he had a wierd frog, an African pygmie frog?? Anyway, the thing lived in a sess pool and ate live crickets and he wanted to feed him a baby mouse, called a pinkie. No, I did NOT know about this. So he came back from the pet supply store with a little cardboard box that he said he was going to feed to the frog. My innocent animal protection kicked in and I insisted on checking it out first. And peeking out at me was this adorable little white mouse! So cute! And friendly! I declared a no-mouse-feeding zone for that ugly frog, and ran right out and bought a habitat for the mouse, complete with exercise wheel. Unfortuneately, ever since the mouse moved in my daughter has had a perpetual cold, even resorting to taking hayfever pills.

3. Exercise more. This would be so I don’t collapse, weezing, on the short walk up the street from my kids’ school, one block away!

4. Play more games with my kids. Jeff’s mom got them Battleship Live for Christmas and that thing is really a lot of fun to play! We need more electronics around here!

5. Send out Christmas cards in November. I got so overwhelmed this year that I was addressing and mailing right up til the Friday before the event. That’s stressful!

6. Get divorced. (Self-explanitory….)

7. Get remarried! (see above)

8. Take one vacation with my kids, one vacation with Jeff.

9. Win the lottery.

10. Live happily ever after.

There! That wasn’t too hard!

Top Ten for 2011

Another year has gone by and I find myself pondering (at 5 a.m.) what will 2012 bring? Will it be kind to me? Or difficult? Here’s the top ten events of my life for 2011, good and bad.

10. ALL my kids passed their grades. There was one I was worried about.

9. First born turned 16:  might show some interest in learning to drive the big ol’ van.

8. Quote from insurance company to add the first born child to my policy for driving, is so expensive it is comparable to rent per month. Very dissappointing!

7. Took on a temporary summer job that was so physically demanding that I realized I can probably never do that kind of work again, and developed a new-found respect for people who clean houses, hotels, vehicles…….anything for a living!

6. Replaced all flooring  on the main level of the house and am enjoying that very much – - thanks to the 3-week summer job!

5. Went back to being blonde in March….having more fun!

4. Got taken off my 310 route for Sharp Bus Lines and put on a Waterford run 5 days before our first day of school!! Which really dissappointed me because had I known that on June 27th I would have been able to say goodbye to my student riders properly. (There is one in particular I miss.)

3. Got a new Toshiba laptop for Christmas from my next husband Jeff, which was thrilling because I’ve never had a brand new anything!

2. Travelled to Liverpool, Nova Scotia for an east coast ukulele ceilidh (caylee) for the first time ever, and had an awesome time enjoying the beach, the sunshine and weather, the people, the music and the postcard views of Atlantic Canada.

And the Number 1 event of my life for 2011 was joining a ukulele band in January and evolving into an invested player who is looking forward to co-leading the group this year. Here’s the link to our site:  www.doverukeheads.wordpress.com.

2011 in Review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Syndey Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 21,000 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 8 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

April Windstorm Pummels Simcoe, Ontario

My view from the front seat of my W/C bus.

April 28th, 2011 was a blustery day in the neighbourhood. Okay, it was downright scarey!!!!

At 7 a.m. I drove my little W/C bus northbound on Norfolk Street, Simcoe, from the intersection at DeCou Road towards the next intersection at Evergreen Hill. A hydro pole loomed over the street directly between Poplar and Cherry Streets on Norfolk Street, at a dangerous 45 degree angle. I noticed the hydro wires straining to keep it upright and that the pole was snapped off, like a twig!!! right at the base. I didn’t have time to wonder if it was safe to drive under it, I had no choice, the wind was whipping the bus to and fro, and I just had to run under it as quickly as possible.

At 7:15 a.m. I had made it onto Highway 3 at Renton and was proceeding eastward. A fellow bus-mate announced on the 2-way radio that a hydro pole had come down on Norfolk Street and asked the office to notify OPP and possibly Norfolk Power. Wow. In less than 15 minutes that pole had landed on the street. Along either side of the highway trees were down in the front yards of every house. EVERY HOUSE.

Over the next hour I listened as hundreds of fellow bus drivers were reported problems they were encountering such as downed trees blocking concession roads and dangerous conditions such as live hydro wires sparking across paved roadways and highways. When it got to the point that it seemed like every driver was requesting permission to reroute, our manager announced that due to the current weather conditions all rerouting as necessary would be automatically granted and that reporting late arrival at schools up to 15 minutes were not necessary either, in order to keep the 2-way radio clear for actual emergency situations that needed to be dealt with. That being said, drivers did continue to warn each other of impassable roads, and even aluminum shed debris blowing across fields and landing directly in the path on oncoming traffic.

OPP had to reroute traffic off Norfolk between DeCou and Evergreen Hill Roads. Traffic bound for West Lynn Public School on Parker was routed west up Evergreen Hill, then left or south down Elm Street to Parker Drive. Congested? Unbelievable! Exiting traffic was stopped, at a stand still, returning through the same neighbourhood because there are no traffic lights where Elm meets Evergreen. Traffic travelling up Evergreen has the throughway or right-of-way. They don’t have to let traffic out of Elm Street. Bus drivers requested via 2-way radio that OPP be contacted and asked if they could aid the situation by directing traffic, but our company’s plea must have gone unanswered. Norfolk was closed and rerouted to these streets until 5 p.m. that day.

CD98.9, local Simcoe radio station, announced “winds gusting up to 100 km per hour were reported” in the early morning hours and up to 11 a.m.  In several intersections, individual traffic lights were swinging wildly from one or two wires, or missing entirely. At least two came down in the wind at DeCou and Norfolk (I watched one from the safety of Tim Horton’s).

www.hydroworld.com reported “Crews working 24-7 in wake of storm. Some area homes are still waiting for hydro service to be restored after Thursday’s wild winds.” The storm affected a large area of Southern Ontario, from London to St. Catharines. Port Rowan was completely without power until Saturday afternoon (Hydro One). Hydro One spokesperson Danielle Gauvin said Friday night that 6,700 of their customers in Simcoe were still without power, but it was expected to be restored by early Saturday.

The London Free Press, (When the Wind Blows, http://www.lfpress.com/news/london/2011/04/28/18076471.html) claimed that “with winds gusting at more than 100 km/hour, Norfolk County warned its residents Thursday morning to stay indoors.” So, I am just wondering, WHO was warning residents? I did not hear one word from anyone in any position of authority announce anything like that over the RADIO CD 98.9. No warning was made that I ever heard, and I was listening since 6:50 a.m.  A ridiculous and vague claim.

CD 98.9 did announce later in the day that residents should stay out of public parks and wooded areas in the next few days because of the risk of falling tree limbs. Oakwood Cemetery had been closed due to damaged trees and is expected to reopen next week. Environment Canada was interviewed over the radio and offered an opinion or explanation as to why so many evergreen variety of trees were uprooted and over, compared to deciduous or regular leafed trees.  Apparently, evergreen trees have a shorter root system that spreads out closer to the surface, making them less stable in the ground. In other trees, limbs detach and trunks tend to twist resulting in splits or sections coming down. This poses just as much danger as a tree coming down in it’s entirety.

Norfolk County was a mess for about a week afterward. There are entire streets in the “outlying areas” such as Turkey Point that STILL have downed wires, yes HYDRO WIRES, which the county and both of the power companies (Norfolk Power and Hydro One) have not prioritized. Yes, it’s still “cities first” policy, which ultimately lead to the demise of thousands of dairy cattle in the ill-fated Ice-Storm ’98 incident, and several isolated human deaths due to lack of necessities such as heat, water and food.  Today’s date is May 18, 2011, and hydro still has not been restored to Whispering Pines in Turkey Point, despite repeated calls to the power companies and subsidiary electrical repair companies.

My Place in the Sun

It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there, and formerly in this blog, I have asked myself this question, “How did I get here?” and again today, only this time a support services Nurse on my bus asked me that.  “So…you have a B.A., right?”  Well, um, yeah, long story, but hey, really,……story interrupted!!

My usual path of job-hunting involves the website  www.jobbank.gc.ca in English, please. And I apply online, using 1 of 3 updated resumes carefully cached on my memory stick. Last year I took a week-long course at the Simcoe branch of Employment Canada, which houses a competent legion of Fanshawe College employees. The outcome: your job search must target only employers you are qualified for and want to work for. If we have attained post-secondary education we do not apply at fast-food joints unless we are applying to be the CEO!

Since graduating with Honours from Mohawk College as an Educational Assistant I have managed to keep all of my employment in the Educational Field. I spent 3 years on the waiting list casual/substitute list as an EA for Grand Erie District School Board, and I worked for 12 months for Summit Learning Centre, based out of Hamilton but working in offices in Brantford and Simcoe. In 2008 I worked for H-N REACH for 3 glorious months for minimum wage as a Facilitator/DSW in a daycare just outside of Hagersville, followed by 3 more months at Summit in Brantford, and then laid-off unemployment that Fall. Jeff encouraged me to go talk to the office at Sharp Bus Lines in Simcoe, because the job includes some involvement with children. I actually agreed, and walked in there to speak to the Manager strait off about being a Bus Aid, which compares to being an Educational Assistant who works with both disabled and behavioural students. They did hire me that very day, however, the deal was to complete the driver training and work as a substitute driver until a suitable/available position opened up. I also continued to hold on to my substitute EA position with Grand Erie. Little did I know that between those two positions I would be working nearly every day until June of 2010 at which point I started working for the LCBO here in town.

In late August Sharp’s called to offer me a permanent driving position on a wheelchair designated bus with a route catering to exceptional students. In addition to 5 wheelchair riders, I have 3 walk-ons (one with leg braces), a Bus Aid who is assigned to the two most delicate handicapped students, and a Nurse from Care Partners who spends her day at the highschool with them. My bus is packed. It is one of the largest ones in the fleet. I love it. I get to use the skills that Sharp’s taught me along with my Educational Assistant training. Even the pay is comparable to being a full-time 6-hour/day EA with Grand Erie, except that I am 4 hrs/day and there are no benefits. So it’s very close, and also there are charters that I can do, taking residents from the nursing care facilities in to town to the Farmer’s Market, or the Fair, or to see the Simcoe Panorama at Christmastime. Also, occasionally, the exceptionalities classes at the highschools need transportation to the local Rec centre for swimming, etc. It’s a great job, never a boring day. The weather and road conditions are usually my only concerns.

But is it my place in the sun? Wasn’t I meant to be a writer? Did I not train to be a writer? Yes. And was I, in fact, employed as a feature writer for several years for various publications? Yes.

Did it pay well? HELL NO!! LOL!! But it was a great experience, however there is no possible way I could support a family of 4 post-divorce, on that.

So, until the next best thing comes along in true form, this is the job for me. It pays the bills and I feel needed, valued, and it’s related to my educational field. So there!

Ten Things I Fear the Most

Irrational? Probably. Paranoid? Definitely! Delusional? Sometimes I scare myself!

1. Spiders. Right at the top of the list. Growing up in a lake-side village exposed me to nightmare experiences of all kinds. I have seen them ALL, and I DO NOT KNOW how those great big one-inchers get inside your house….! I did not develop a full-blown phobia, however, until after the age of 16, after I acquired my driver’s license and started driving myself around in my mother’s candy-apple red Mustang. She had a bad habit of leaving this vehicle parked beneath the trees in the yard with the windows rolled down, all night long! One afternoon I was rounding the bend on Highway 59 on my way back to Port Rowan, when just as the sun set and dusk descended, so did the spiders! ALL OVER ME: in my hair, down the back of my neck, the front of my shirt, crawling up my sleeves and pant legs. I yanked the car over on to the shoulder of the road, screaming, and bailed out in lightning speed, ripping my clothes off. Just as an OPP cruiser pulled up in the gravel shoulder behind me, the Mustang gently rolled into the ditch and came to rest at the edge of a pepper field (it was a standard and I forgot to secure the breaks). And I’m dancing in the road, in my bra and underwear, circa 17 years old. That was probably the best day of that cop’s life, doncha think? 

2. Old Graveyards. The old ones with the cement headstones, angels, sculptures, with discolouration and mold and vines growing on them, sinking in to the ground, or weather-worn chunks broken off and laying about in the yard, overgrown weeds and broken tree branches, old and forgotton. Super creepy, gives me goose-bumps and makes me just feel cold!!! When I watched the scene in the movie Double Jeopardy where Ashley Judd’s character wakes up to discover that she has been trapped in a coffin with a dead body, I threw up.

3. Being Put in a Nursing Home. I don’t fear old age at all, it’s what’s going to happen to me once I have to give up the independence of living in my home. I break into a cold sweat thinking about what the PSWs and Nurses are going to do to me, sometimes on a daily basis, because they have a right to do it and not with my permission. I believe that I will be giving up my right to make decisions regarding my physical care and I also am very fearful of what the state of my body will become since I suffer from eczema and allergies. It’s a constant battle for me to keep my skin in a passable condition. I can NOT use any kind of soap that has the words “anti-bacterial” on it. It has to be “moisturized” or “contains aloe and lanolin”, etc. I also am pretty heavily dependent on prescript skin creams, and slather myself liberally to control outbreaks. I even had a water-softener installed in my house and I only take a shower after I know the water has cycled through it, so the ionization is fresh! That is the best feeling in the world!

4. My Child Being Snatched. When Tory Stafford went missing in April of 2009, it scared me to my core. It affected me in a very personal way. I realized from newscasts that she would have turned 9 in July, and my youngest daughter, also a little blonde 8 year-old, would also be turning 9 end of June. Once I made that distinction, I could not shake my fear. During the early days of her disappearance I believed her abduction was random, and that meant no one’s child was safe. It could happen to any of us! Of course it turned out that her assailants lived on the same street and knew her and her mother. But for two entire years I have gone to great lengths to make sure that both my daughters are escorted and never alone, ever, even staying home from work if I have to, and I trust no one with their lives. (Paranoid much?) When will this fear subside? When they turn 16? 18? 21? ….45? Does a mother ever stop worrying about her babies no matter where they are in the world? Probably not.

5. Trapped in Car Submerged in Water. I actually “day-mare” about this. I try to ease the fright I give myself, by working out a survival strategy. Every time I get into a pool I test myself to see how long I can hold my breath under water. I hope I don’t ever need to use this skill!

6. Breaking a Bone. Okay, I confess: I have never broken a major bone – I don’t think baby toes count, at least not on me. I once saw the aftermath when a student broke their arm on the monkey bars: they threw up and then started screaming and shaking uncontrollably. I think they ended up in shock but at any rate the injury was serious enough that the ambulance was employed. So I take calcium pills and make sure my dairy intake is up.

7. Knocking a Tooth Out. Remember when Tyson bit off part of Holyfield’s earlobe and spit it into the crowd and some random spectator caught it? Wasn’t that gross? Ever notice how the majority of NHL hockey players are missing their front teeth? Well, if it hurts bad enough having a cavity filled with freezing being used, then just imagine how badly it hurts having your tooth knocked out without the freezing!!

8. Imprisonment. Not a life lesson I want to experience. Fear of being jailed keeps me more of an upright citizen than my personal morals and values do, LOL! And why does America have such a fascination with life in prison? “Women Behind Bars”, “Lockdown”, “Scared Straight”, etc. are just a few. The reality documentaries bother me WAY more than the made-for-TV’s do. I can only watch 2 minutes before I start imagining myself there, just like Ashley Judd’s character in Double Jeopardy, because she was innocent! Egads, that could happen to anybody couldn’t it?!

9. Centi-Wigs! This is centipede crossed with an earwig, and these frickin mutants scare the bejeezus out of me in the basement. Thus far, I have been unsuccessful in getting a clear camera shot of one, because they are BEJAYZUZ FAST, whoosh, gone! I have described them to my neighbours in several instances, and my closest neighbour says, yeah, he’s got ‘em too. He says (further terrifying me!) that they climb up from the drain in the laundry room basement floor, and then spread out to your bathroom and laundry tub, etc. I have sprayed that puppy so many times with various products including Earwig Ban, Spider Ban, Anti-Creepy Crawlers (the one that supposedly affects a huge range of bugs) and RAID!!! But they still mysteriously appear inside things in laundry room, laundry tub, bathroom floor, tub and sink. They aren’t like cockroaches: they don’t scatter. No, they challenge you. They rear up the front half of their centipede body, running on 20 legs while waving about 6 more pincers and their bug teeth pincers right at you! I have seen them ranging from 1 inch to 2 and a half, and the ones in my basement are light brown or opake beige. Anyone know what the H these things are??? And more importantly, how to permanently get rid of them???

10. Becoming Sick/Injured in Another Country. I would die. And then I WOULD SUE THEIR ASSES!!!

Top Ten Liquor Store Comments

10. “Can I take one can of Strongbow Cider out of the box of 8? Because I don’t want the free one, I only wanted 7…”

9. “It didn’t scan! It’s FREE!!/If it doesn’t scan, is it free? (Laughter….)”

8. “Can I order in a Texas Mickey of anything I want?”

7. “Please wrap this: it’s a gift.”

6. “How come the 10 year old Scotch isn’t half the price of the 20 year?”

5. “I need to buy a bottle of whiskey but I can’t remember the name. Say some names to me until I recognize one.”

4. “Could I buy all of the 100 dollar bills in your cash drawer? I like to give them out as gifts to my nephews and nieces.” OR “Could I purchase 10 gift cards? I like to give them out as gifts to my nephews and nieces.” (Let’s hope they’re all of age…!)

3. “I don’t want the receipt. Those are only good for two things: starting a camp fire and getting a girl’s phone number in a bar.”

2. “I don’t want the receipt, the wife’ll find out where I spent my money.” AND ALSO “I never use my credit card or Air-Miles card at the Liquor store: I don’t want the government to know where I spend my money.”

And the Number 1 Best Comment ever made to me as a Customer Service Rep (aka Cashier), IS……..

“I am not drunk, I just can’t find my pockets….!” (Giggles)

Top Ten Wacky Things Said on the Bus

In true Letterman fashion, we will start with number 10 and work our way to the all-important number 1! Allright, here we go:

10. “I feel antsy.”

9. “Does the Emergency Door work? Can we swing off it?”

8. “I LOVE my little brother: he’s made out of hugs. If you peeled off all his skin and bones you’d find nothing but hugs. I hate my little sister: if you peeled off her skin and bones you’d find Mini-me inside there at the controls.”

7. “Can you stop at that hot dog stand over there? I’m hungry.”

6. “My Mom might send you a text about me going to school tomorrow. But don’t listen to her, tomorrow’s a P.A. (Professional Activity) Day for my school only.”

5. “Do we have time to do a few donuts and spin outs in the parking lot at the school?”

4. “I might be interested in being on the bus on Friday, if there might be donuts on the bus that day….”

3. “Hey! Look at me! I was bad! The bus driver put me in the corner! HEee heee heeeee, Ha Haaa Haaaa Haa!”

2. “Guess what: my uncle lives with us now! Don’t worry, my mom doesn’t have a lotta mouths to feed. We don’t feed him ~ he’s a ghost!”

And the Top Ten Wacky-EST Thing Ever Said to me on the Bus is……

“Nobody’s gonna die on the bus today.”

Don’t ya love number 8? I love the reference to two movies in one concept: Mini-me is from Austin Powers, and the tiny person at the controls inside the human body is from Men in Black.   Number 5 refers to the fresh snow fall and slippery road conditions and the thrill of the ride that morning. Number 3 is one of my students who has to be transported in a wheel-chair. The farthest space for anchoring is in the corner and I had to secure him there one morning, and for some silly reason he thought this was hilarious and kept calling attention to it as the bus aid and the nurse boarded the bus. Number 2 was actually a conversation with a student whose older sister told her that the reason her bed was regularly rumpled was because the ghost of their uncle kept sitting on it, not her. No, never! Older sisters never do that!! LOL

And the number 1 comment, well, I don’t know what was going through that student’s mind as they boarded my bus. And I kinda don’t wanna know….!

What is Brown Sugar?

According to Wikipedia, brown sugar is “a sucrose sugar product with a distinctive brown colour due to the presence of molasses. It is ether an unrefined or partially refined soft sugar consisting of sugar crytals with some residual molasses content or it is produced by the addition of molasses to refined white sugar.”

It may contain from 3.5% to 6.5% molasses and is naturally moist. Some companies may add artificial dyes “and/or other chemicals” in their process of refining or producing brown sugar.

I personally buy Redpath Yellow Sugar. On the package it says “Pure Cane Sugar”. I like it better than brown sugar, which I have always felt had an overwhelming molasses flavour. On the plastic bag, there is only one ingredient listed: pure cane sugar. According to the Nutritional label on the bag, it also has no fat, no protein and no carbohydrates, although it has a percentage of your daily intake of sugar and calories.

What is yellow or pure cane sugar?

Again, according to Wikipedia, Natural brown sugar, or Raw Sugar is the first crystalization harvested from sugar cane. When sugar cane is harvested it is spun in a centrifuge to remove water and moisture. This causes the sugar to crystalize. However, the Canadian Sugar Institute states that in Canada the current method of producing brown sugar is called “blending”, whereby degrees of molasses are added to white sugar. Molasses is produced from Sugar Beets, the main source of sugar in Europe. India was the first country to cultivate sugar cane and refine it’s juice or product into sugar crystals by separating and drying. In Canada major refineries, in cities like Toronto, import raw sugar cane in chunks which is then crushed to extract the juice. The juice is purified and partially evaporated or washed, then it is spun in a centrifuge process to further separate the naturally white crystals from the rest of the syrup, dried with hot air and packaged. (The syrup also has a use in the food ingredient industry.)

During the refining process, the natural sugar that is stored in the cane stock (in the crushed cane) can be separated from the rest of the plant material. This yellow, soft, semi-dry pure sugar is packaged and sold as…..Pure Cane Sugar. http://www.sugar.ca/english/consumers/sugarfromfield.cfm

Lantic, which produces Roger’s Sugar, has a great slide show and description of sugar refinery, from receiving to shipping. http://www.lantic.ca/refining-process/cane.php?lg=en I usually buy Lantic Icing Sugar.

Redpath, which produces the sugar I prefer, Pure Cane Sugar, or Yellow Sugar, has it’s own museum. In 1979 Redpath celebrated it’s 125th year as a sugar refineray and commemorated that fact by establishing the Redpath Sugar Museum dedicated to the history of sugar and refining in Canada. They proudly claim to be the oldest operating sugar refinery in Canada. In 2004, the company celebrated 150 years of production. It is located in Toronto at 95 Queens Quay East. http://www.redpathsugars.com/RedpathSugarStory.php

Lastly, the Canadian Sugar Institute lays to rest an unhealthy myth: No, bleach is not added to sugar to make it white. Pure sucrose crystals are naturally white. Sugar is also used in the fermentation process of producing alcohols such as wine, to slow the setting of cement and glues, and is an ingredient in printer’s inks! MMMMmmm, sugar!